The subject of my TED talk

Recently over a family dinner with my father we talked about TED (www.ted.com) and what would be the subject of my talk if I was to present. I answered right away because I had been thinking about it (not TED, but what was really important to me and why). As background, over the last couple of years I have lost some people in my life that were important to me which really got me thinking about life in general. The topic I would speak about would be the importance of the present moment and the finality of death. Let me start in reverse order - the finality of death.

For the living, death is the end of that person. As time pass on, it becomes harder and harder to remember people. To remember their scent, to remember the sound of their voice, to remember their presence when they walked up to you – it all fades away. It is also so permanent. It is done, no second chances, no one last talk. The survivors will remember all of the discussions and the changes they wished they could have made – but there is no one on the other end. For the most part, we live our lives not thinking about “is this the last time I am going to see so in so?” We interact with people as if there are guarantees to make it all better – but there are not. I had one of my best friends get really drunk at a concert. He demonstrated behavior that I had never seen from him. We did not talk to each other for two months afterwards because of the stress of that event. He finally called me up to say he was sorry, and to say that was the reason why he cannot drink (he was a former alcoholic). He said that he wanted to see me soon and we agreed to get together in the coming weeks. He took his life two days later by hanging himself. He had planned the event out by moving all of his possessions into a storage facility and writing a note to his sister which he had on him. I never got the chance to ask him why or tell him how important of a person he was to me. The music just stopped, never to be played again. I think about this subject all the time. When it comes to death, there are no second chances. My wife and daughter now kiss each other every time we part - in a very subtle way to ensure that if this is the last time we see each other it ended on a good note. It is one of the ways that I rationalize the here and now. In closing, the saying I hold close to me for my spiritual side is “death is good for your practice.” It means when you can understand death you can appreciate life.

This is a good transition point to the other part of my imaginary TED speech - the importance of the present moment. Time is only a measurement of distance. Just like there really is no past or future in life and death, only the present moment. You cannot promise the future nor can you change the past – you only can manage the present. Think about it – you only can manage the present. The past is already done, just a memory. The future is dynamic with no guarantee. You could not wake up tomorrow, and there is no way of knowing that today. Whether or not we agree on this subject is not important, what is important is what are you doing about the present to make the best of it?

Let me describe it in different terms – what would you do differently if you discovered today that you only have six months to live? Would you go to work tomorrow, the next day or month? If it was six years versus six months – would you have the same profession or would you work for something that you really believed in? Would you allow yourself to fight with your loved ones – would it even matter? Wake up, the moment is everything. Change is really hard, I know from personal experience (I only wish I had …). It requires direction, desire, discipline and execution to mention a few critical attributes. G.I. Gurdjieff believed that the only way one could implement lifetime changes was the requirement of a major shock to your present life (e.g. death of a loved one, major health risk, etc…). I just had a good friend of mine call me to explain how he survived a major heart attack while he was at the hospital (good fortune for him). He quit his job and started one that he always wanted to do. He called his direction 2.0 – it made me smile. I smiled that he was here and that he recognized a new beginning – one which was based on improving his life.

In closing, this is my imaginary TED speech. It is what I think is really important. I know that not all or any of it is common knowledge or accepted beliefs – but it is what I believe. Life is the here and now so don’t travel through it with your eyes closed. Know that every decision you make is just that – a decision. Live your life to your fullest potential. My challenge to myself as a result of writing this down is to change one thing in my current life that I want to improve. It is personal, so I will not share it here – but I am actively working on it. :-)